He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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