You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
