we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
