You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
