we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
