sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
