no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Never joke about your clitoris.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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