Apparently you make a good broom.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
