Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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