Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How's work?
Spinning.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
