it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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