Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
