From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
