Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
