Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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