so that wasnt chicken after all
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
