Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
