I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
