my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
