I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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