everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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