he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
