I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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