Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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