I will die if light touches me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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