Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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