so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
