I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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