i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
