I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
