I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
