She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
