Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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