i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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