I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this will be a night to untag.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
