your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
