Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i dont even know how to be here
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
