so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You smell like stripper and shame
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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