Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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