no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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