2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
