His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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