She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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