He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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