i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
