I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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