Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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