i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
As shirtless as possible
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Two words: blizzard sex
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
