I'm eating all of the evidence.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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