Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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