ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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