My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
