I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
