She said her name was "party"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
