he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
